Random Thoughts From the Newbie

It’s been about 4 months since I started this endeavor. At first I was so overwhelmed…how could I possibly surround myself with such accomplished writers and not be a joke? I remind myself every time the voice in my head starts nagging that I’m extremely new, and these people have been here forever.

I thought this might be a short-lived passion, like my summer playing the piano a few years ago. But it grew! I started writing multiple times a week, started a challenge, followed, commented, talked and talked and talked. I get so excited when I have a notification. Somebody actually thought my writing was worth their time! and then. I get a follow.  They want to see more?? What??

I check my blog every day. I check it when I get to work, in between scanning documents and making copies, during lunch, when I get home, and before bed. and I read. I read so much! I search topics, I search people, I explore the blogs I’ve already followed, I dig as much as I can. I love to see different lives around the world and hear about fun experiences! Everything to learn and grow. I watch the number of views rise, and monitor which posts receive more attention. Do people like my ranting? Do they gravitate towards the happy stories? Should I stick jokes in a post? How did that picture work? It’s interesting to experiment! I sit in my glowing, appreciative bubble and wonder what will become of my blog in a year. I already plan on upgrading to my own website, but there are so many opportunities and variables that will come with it! Will I have 100 views? Will it stay the same? Will I look back on this beginning and laugh at how happy 6 visits to my page made me?

It’s human nature to want acceptance, but this blog has helped me get past my need for it. Some say they don’t like what I write, and I laugh and tell them that’s fine. They don’t have to read it! My summer has been full of positivity and I think, among other things, it’s due to my blog. It’s my strongest creative outlet. One that doesn’t take so much clean up and possibly kill my fish like my painting does. (I prefer the atmosphere of my bedroom to paint…but with oils, I will need to move into the garage next time…it might be too late for Bubbles, though) Writing has always come naturally to me. I don’t have to stress about getting flowers just right or whether my words will be perceived as a whale or a rocket. They are what they are. Most importantly, they are what I say they are. I think that’s why I love blogging so much…it’s my corner of the internet to say and show whatever i want. My opinions and stories are all valid and will be seen. They don’t have to be agreed with, and some stories will make some readers upset, but it’s still mine. Mine to control, mine to play with, mine to grow.

So this is my thank you to all who have followed this journey. 4 months in, a million to go! I’m eager to see where this path will lead me, and how far I will travel. 🙂 Happy Thursday, World!

My Dreams Will Be Reality

30 topic Challenge: Day 15- Your dream future!

I’m at this point in my life where I’m expected to have everything planned out….but I’m also at this point in my life where I have no idea what the heck I’m doing. Normal? Maybe? Sound like you at 19?

I could sit here and dream for hours going through the little bursts of excitement I send to my boyfriend when I think of something I want in the future. I could dream up the most spectacular, impossible future for myself (and maybe the current beaux). And, boy, would it be a fun waste of a work day! I dream of a lot of things, but I’ve also been a realist on the side. That Shelby keeps Dreamer Shelby in line. So, all future plans are within reach, and probably have somewhat of a road to get there. The catch? I have many…many….roads. This is my young adult crisis. 

At this point in life, all I want to do is travel. Why waste your life behind a desk when you have 7 Wonders and 50 Billion Nations to explore? Even domestically, every state in the US is different than its border buddies. I’d rather be well rounded through my travels than my mathematical studies. (notice how I keep bashing math in many of my posts? Do you feel my hatred yet?) My dream would be to travel and write my blog. It would be lovely if someone would pay me to do so.. 😀

But what about settling down? Kids? Family time? How will I get money? I used to adamantly support women entering the work force. I still do, to some extent. My feminist fire demands equality, but also realizes equality means a choice. Women are free to choose to stay home, and that doesn’t make them  burden on the feminist society in any way. Their rebel choice actually propels our cause and the human race forward more than someone would think. They’re paving the way for an easier, less “box-ey” working life style. One of these women will probably be me. gasps and shock everywhere! I’ve come to the conclusion that my artwork is more than just a hobby in my eyes. It’s pretty much all I want to do. I want to be like Allie from The Notebook, where she wakes up and spends her days leisurely painting. (forget painting in the nude. Too modest for that, Allie.) Then again, that was during a time when women didn’t exactly work unless they couldn’t afford being a single income family. Regardless, I’m inspired to progress my painting and writing/blogging to a new level.

Another road, and the longest in terms of preparation; becoming a theatre teacher. I haven’t exactly announced it, but I have decided to stay away from teaching for a district. I have no interest in re-entering the school system, so should I continue down this road, it will be towards a community theatre setting. This school year will test my passion for theatre and whether or not I’m willing to spend that much time producing that form of art. I still have a dear love for the stage, but I have so much more I want to spend my time with, that it might be set on the back burner for a while.

You might read this and think I’ll spend my life being poor. Or that I’ll have to marry rich. No thank you! My determination is all I need. I won’t settle for a little house or small apartment unless I begin a phase where I adore cottage-like homes. Trust me, it might happen. The big mansions aren’t really my forte either. I mean, I already have trouble decorating my apartment bedroom, and you want me to furnish 50 rooms? Are you kidding me? Who needs 10 couches? My enormous wealth will be distributed elsewhere.

Where, you ask? Horses. Ranch property. Beach property. Maybe a ranch on the beach. Oh, that would be lovely! I’ve always wanted to ride a horse down the beach! That would be my dream home. A modest, but stylish home smack dab in the center of acres full of animals, with an ocean view from my bedroom. (Take notes, boyfriend. This is your mission) My list of pets would include a few cats for the house, 2 horses for my hubby and me, a few chickens for eggs, maybe a cow, a duck, and a large dog. (Great Dane, German Shepard, I’m not picky.)

Just to sum all of my ranting up, my dream/reality future will include:

1. A living room large enough to put up a tent to camp

2. a loving husband who will stick by my through everything and support me in my stupid adventures (I think I scored already, we’ll see)

3. Everything my children will need to grow up to have a good head on their shoulders

4. A job that will not seem like a job because I will not be crushed or resent having to wake up in the morning

5. Each of my passions, whether they change or remain the same

6. many cats. Because I’m me.

7. enough space to sit outside and breathe, because I was supposed to be born in the Hippie age, but I decided to wait a few decades for whatever reason.

8. A purpose of breaking down barriers and shining, however that may be achieved.

I don’t have it figured out yet…but does anyone really? One day I’ll be in this scene I’ve just laid out, and I will sit on my porch giggling at the people who thought I couldn’t do it, and reminiscing about whatever road I took to get there.

Next: Day 16: Academics

Thoughts From the Average Writer

30 Topic Challenge: 12- Something you’re proud of

Writing is like exploring a maze in my mind. I just follow the words and strings of thought until I hit a wall, and then I pick up and continue on again. It’s like freestyle rapping, except on paper. I’ve always loved the joy I feel when I get in the groove and my fingers are flying. Sentence after sentence after sentence. If you’re a veteran reader, you’ve already read about my obsession with blank paper. (haven’t seen that yet? Here.) It’s always been there, and I’ve never shied away from writing down thoughts. I love filling the stark white with words and doodles.

In middle school I would carry extra notebooks in my backpack to write down stories. At one point I bought a tiny composition book to write down those burning thoughts and ideas, because JK Rowling did the same thing. I’m pretty sure every writer does that, but I’ve always looked up to her (obviously)! My writing was mediocre, but held promise. I look back at it fondly, as one should with their art. Never regret what you make, because it’s never wrong.

It wasn’t until I met my significant other that I really took off. Something about our different artist minds left such a mark on the other. We really connected through the words we would put out. He shook my creativity to its core and turned it upside down. I think that’s one of my favorite things about us; we have a language as artists. We completely understand and accept each other. He’s inspired me from the very beginning to explore every corner of my creativity.

I’ve always battled with it, because the ideas are fleeting. When I thought of something that could be expanded it would bother me until I finally wrote it down and thought it out. I’ve never been able to sit at my computer and call something forward. They just occur, in the shower, while I’m driving, while I’m working…but never on demand. I can’t ever just stop and start a piece, either. I’ll write something down, get a few paragraphs in, then come back to it later with much less exhilaration that I had before. The vibrancy fades. But that feeling after I’ve gotten a piece out and I can finally breathe….it’s like coming up for air after swimming for a long time. The tunnel vision goes away and I can appreciate what I’ve done.

I’m proud of how far I’ve come. I may not be the best, but I very much enjoy what I do. It’s not easy. A lot of the time it’s the most frustrating experience. But to me, there is no greater joy or pride.

Next week: A problem you have! This should be interesting.