Why Is There So Much Hatred?

My Facebook feed is filled with such animosity these days. Did you know we’ve been living among Syrian refugees these past months? I sure didn’t. I mean, I’d heard the words uttered on various outlets, but I wasn’t aware it was actually happening. This is my point. They came, they settled, they lived. And then 1% of the world committed an act of terror and suddenly it’s out with the innocents! If you feel my disdain for America and don’t feel like reading further, this is your exit point. If you disagree with me and think they should “stay in their country and deal with it”, you sit your butt in that dang chair and read every dang word I’m about to type because I’m going to make your inhumane stupidity very damn clear. This is my animosity.

  1. From the Christian point of view, refusing hospitality to those in need is a HUGE NO NO. This is crap we are taught from the moment we step through those church doors, people! Not to mention our dear Jesus was a refugee himself, or have you forgotten when Mary and Joseph fled Bethlehem to save Jesus? If there was a book on how to be a Christian, these concepts would be on the first page, right next to “love thy neighbor as thy self” and “LEAVE THE JUDGEMENT TO GOD”. All of those who claim religion on issues such as same sex marriage and abortion turn around and abandon the doctrine when it doesn’t suit their purposes. I’m tired of the Non-Christian-Christians. You either jump in or you don’t. Yes, I’m talking to you, Ben Carson, mister “I’m a Christian, but refugees are the devil!”
  2. While we’re on the subject of hypocrisy, let’s point out the fact that America came about because of immigration. The idea of migration, immigration, and movement away from conflict has been around since the beginning of time. The Pilgrims didn’t come here just because Europe was too crowded..religious persecution. Remember? Or do you need to go sit in a history class?  This very country was founded on the concept of freedom to live and practice faith without fear. We are supposed to be unique and diverse, but now we’re being snobs in front of those who don’t have the same freedoms as us. Everything suddenly has to be complicated because we have political borders.
  3. If you actually read into the crisis in Syria, the border countries are constantly getting thrown into the cross hairs of the conflict, but they still accept refugees. Refugee situations are never pretty. If we let Syrians in, it’s not going to be fine and dandy. It’s going to be a struggle on both ends to get acquainted with the idea. This shouldn’t deter us…we aren’t fit for America if we lock out the needy because we’re afraid to get our hands dirty. Risk it for the biscuit. In this case the biscuit is thousands of innocent lives, but potato/potato right? (doesn’t work so well in writing…)
  4. Our lovely Texas Governor, Greg Abbott wrote this thoughtful letter to President Obama earlier this week. In it, he complained that Texas has already been threatened by ISIS. All this sounds like is reinforcement that our national security is perfectly capable of handling any threats. By complaining about all of the infractions he’s witnessed, Abbott is only bringing to light all of the reasons we can and should make this work. Besides, clearly refugees won’t change the fact that terror already resides in our nation.
  5. Now. I’m gonna need you to think reaaaaaaal hard for a second. ISIS is a terror group, right? Their purpose is to spread terror and hate. Start wars. Maybe in the name of Islam or pure chaos, who knows? Instead of jumping to conclusions, maybe some of the protesters should think critically about what we’re dealing with. We are so easily manipulated every day, ISIS would be juvenile not to take advantage of that. They want us to hate the refugees. Their power comes from fear and population. If Syria empties itself, they are severely weakened. We close our doors? Problem solved. Refugees will have to stay in Europe and the Middle East, unable to run from the horrors within one of the most violent countries in the world.

It’s easy to oppose when you’re sitting on your leather couches watching your reality TV with only the roar of the city to bother your concentration. Bombs aren’t constantly going off around us. We don’t fall asleep to sirens warning of danger. I can’t even properly describe what we don’t experience, because we have no idea what happens in a war zone! Yet the ignorance still rears its ugly head.

This is 2015. Racism should be a thing of the past. I don’t want to scroll down my Facebook and see negative comments towards “rag heads”, because that’s just ridiculous. I may be a Christian, but I can appreciate the beauty of other faiths. Islam teaches peace instead of violence, just like Christianity. Or at least these religions are supposed to. (hint hint wink wink DO IT) The extremist, unethical 1% that can’t seem to grasp the true meaning of these faiths should be separated from the innocent 99%. They are not all the same. Many Muslims are condemning the acts of terror occurring across the world, trying to voice their beliefs among the screams of hate. We should listen. We should help.We are all humans and all human life is precious (if you need help learning that, watch Walking Dead season 6 episode 4). Love thy neighbor, do unto others as you would have done to you, and all of those other phrases we learned as kids. It is extremely unattractive to be hateful and judgmental when you will not/refuse to see all sides of the story.

You want to beat ISIS? Cut the racist conclusions and welcome their victims with open arms. Your misplaced hatred is only fueling the fire.

Bored With Being Insignificant

I’m bored. I’m bored with talking. I’m bored with writing. I’m bored with Netflix. I’m bored with Facebook. I’m bored with this town. I’m restless. It’s as if I’m waiting for something, but Lord knows what that is. I search my computer, flipping through tabs for something to do. I scroll through social media, uninterested in the mess our stupid world is in. I’m bored with ignorance. It’s the same thing every time.

I’m bored with the never-ending news of violence in the world and the way people seem to shrug their shoulders and move on. I’m bored with the selfishness around me. I’m bored with going in circles with stubborn, uneducated people. I’m bored with seeing the precious faces of my childhood friends in military uniforms, ready to kill for a broken country. Why do we kill? Why are your hearts so hardened?

I’m bored with being voiceless for every reason. I’m bored with being afraid. I’m tired of being told to change my attitude or fail in life. Change my perspective and demeanor or fall, because everyone is more damaged than I. What’s your damage? Do you see mine? I hide it well, can you tell?

I lose myself in albums from Owl City, Imagine Dragons, Never Shout Never, Ellie Goulding (the first, when she was actually likable), and Taylor Swift. I study them and memorize their lyrics, because everyone has something to say somehow. It’s the same for the cheesy romantic movies I watch and re-watch. This is where I learn.

I float to the balcony, hoping something interesting is waiting outside. I sleep early because it’s something to do. I stare at the list of online assignments waiting for me to complete them. I’m bored with school. Teach me something, I beg you.

I light candles not for their fragrance, but because it’s 10 seconds to be amazed by fire and play the game of lighting a wick. I’m a pyro, in case you were wondering.

I started writing a new novel. Did you know that? It’s my 3rd attempt. This one will be completed. I won’t allow myself to leave this one in the graveyard of my forgotten works. Morbid huh?

I wander about my day, half asleep, but really I’m inside my head contemplating things such as duty and finality. I’m bored with what this life has to offer me at this point, but it’s my duty to reach the finish line and receive a piece of paper. It’s my duty to support. My duty to lead. My duty to make something of myself. My duty to fit into line. My peers would call the list of duties I create “adulting”. I don’t want to adult today, please. Since when did everything bad in life become a verb? Adult used to be full of honor, something to be achieved. Not something to cringe at and roll over, snoring your way back to sleep. Did you know we have less than 5 billion years left? Our sun will become a Red Giant and swallow us in the process before our galaxy will be eaten by Andromeda. Andromeda collides in 5 billion years. We won’t see this occurrence. 5 billion years sounds like a long time…but it’s just a blink of an eye in matters of the universe. Who knows what we’ll be when we’re swallowed by the only thing keeping us alive? How ironic is it that the Sun, the huge ball of gas fueling our life styles, will be the one to snuff us out? The end of Earth. But I’m sure Pluto will be fine. It’s too far for the Sun to reach when it expands. And the scientists denied Pluto. Who will be the one laughing when we’re fried?

Do you see why I’m bored with life? We talk about trivial things like taxes and pointing fingers at other races, but we’re ants. Insignificant. I want to go somewhere and be someone instead of spending hours putting together outfits from my closet and straightening my hair. If 5 billion years is a blink, my life is nothing. I don’t want it to be nothing. I’ve already wasted enough time sitting at a desk, staring at the back of heads and computer screens.

Life starts with my engine. The memories I want are caught in the wind flying through the open windows and the giggles of my friends. They’re found in the stupid pictures I take of random treasures. I’m a junkie for the moment my heart soars, but here I am again…at a desk. I’m bored.

Let’s Call This Self-Appreciation


“I’m a nightmare dressed like a day dream”

This post is being read because I was either insane enough to actually publish it or I just don’t care what people think anymore…both are good options. Read at your own risk, I’m a teenage girl. 

Isn’t this a beautiful pile? I think it is. I tried to make it aesthetically pleasing for yall…I’m not the best decorator. You must be wondering why I’ve subjected you to such a boring snapshot of my life. This here is all that remains of the only poem I wrote during an era of confusion and desperate feelings. Silly emotions, really. The wonderful part? It caused me no pain to cut this into tiny pieces! I actually enjoyed it! Side note…I might have a cutting obsession. Not the bad kind. I like paper and scissors.

This is the beauty of moving on. I won’t divulge the gorey details of said emotional poem, but I’m sure you will agree that burning bridges is the best dang thing out there. Shall we change my Taylor Swift playlist to Miranda Lambert for a few minutes? I think I’ll start with Kerosene and end with Somethin’ Bad. Here we go!

You see, about this time last year I met Satan himself. If there was ever a reason for me to cling to my faith, it was his presence in my life. Isn’t that counter productive of him? I must be a pretty dang good Christian, if his games only made me run to God. Ah, but this Satan is only human…a little country dick who uses Jack Daniels to compensate for his lack of anything. Like a heart. Or a brain. And he made the mistake of calling me crazy and poisonous. Excuse me, Satan…have you looked in the mirror lately? Right…You don’t have the courage.

Well, I’ll be the first to admit he’s right. You’ve gone and followed a crazy girls blog. Makes you feel proud, right? I’m proud! I feel crazy right now, and it’s quite powerful. But the thing is, crazy is what makes me who I am. I’m pretty sure if I weren’t, I wouldn’t have this blog and my life would suck. I literally just stopped writing to chase a mosquito around my room. It doesn’t get more entertaining than that! I can go from Taylor Swift days to Halsey days in the same week. That should be enough to explain my personality. Crazy makes me creative. I write because I’m weird. Sometimes I’m an emotional mess, and I have weird, thoughtful outbursts, and I talk to mosquitoes while I’m killing them, but who wouldn’t want to be friends with that? So, Cowboy Casanova, I feel extremely sorry for you, because I am no longer in your life, and never will be again. What a sweet joy.

This piece is 99.999% sarcastic and 100% bitter. That’s what assholes and Miranda Lambert do to me. Please go back and read it as such, because I really want my readers to get the full experience. Just kidding! But in all seriousness, if you ever wanted to know what I would be like drunk, this is kind of it. Raw. No I’m not drunk. I do drink a lot of water though..

It’s Halsey time! Everybody flip to her song, Control, and jam out with me!

The Heavy Stuff

“You were red and you liked me ’cause I was blue”

-Colors, Halsey

Rita Skeeter said it best with her little Daily Prophet article in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire…”His eyes are glittering with the ghosts of his past”. While Harry might have rebuked this, and my eyes might not be glittering so to speak, I’ve definitely been haunted by my life lately. All I can do is reminisce. I get lost in these memories ranging from months ago to years and years ago. Some of them are suffocating, some of them make me want to cringe. Some of them are beautiful.

Like the time the one I shown a light for ended up shining a light for me when it grew dark.

Like soul crushing words ringing in my ears, constantly reminding me of everything that is wrong.

Like getting caught in drunken rages.

Like those most special embraces when I need them most. Or when I can’t get enough.

Most of it is bad. Most people don’t understand how much I remember, even if they don’t. “screw up” “crazy” “poisonous”…they never stop ringing in my head. And while I’m remembering all of this, I’m forcing myself to smile and excel so they will look stupid.

Don’t get me wrong. I have awesome self-confidence, because I know I’m a good person…but would you honestly be able to walk away from words like that?

This was a rant. It was something different a few minutes ago, but like the other pieces I’ve tried to write all week, it got scratched. So this is what I give you, because this is where my thoughts are taking me tonight. It helps to listen to Halsey while you read this. 😉

Musical inspirations:




Halsey in general

Halsey Halsey Halsey


As a writer, you never know when inspiration will hit. For me, it took being 10,000 feet in the air to finally want to write in my journal. Thus, 2 blog posts came out of my journey on Saturday! The first being my previous and the second being this one.

“I’m just trying to see the world
Through my own eyes.

But you say, I’m too young to drink
Too green to think
You say these things and it wears me out”

 -Skylar Grey

They always laughed at me for having simple taste.  “Your taste buds will change when you’re older, then you’ll love broccoli.” Granted, they have changed somewhat, and I’m more willing to try new things, but I still hold onto a pretty basic palette. So what? I’m not going to enjoy every food under the sun! If you want to ridicule me, you can go ahead and make yourself look like a jerk. More power to me!

When I was a younger teen, my lawyer father would use my minor status against me. Apparently, the rule is a minor can own something that was given to them or they bought with their own money, but the parent has the right to take the privilege away. How the heck do you have a privilege to use something when it’s legally yours? (let it be known, I have researched this crap and it’s ridiculous. my job. my money. my stuff. no touching.) Whenever I put my foot down, he would claim all objects in my possession belong to my guardians, whether I used my paycheck to buy them or not. Something about them “allowing” me to have a job, so I had no rights or possessions.  Many arguments passed with me reluctantly handing my life over and storming off. I counted the days to my 18th birthday and rejoiced in my new found freedom…until they began to use my college education against me. When does it end? I have rights, now where is the freedom that comes with it?

Parents will probably say “when you’re a parent, you’ll understand.” No I won’t, because I have this fire to remind me. I will love my children fiercely like every other mother, but I will never suffocate them so they come out carbon copies of everything wrong with the world. That doesn’t mean this happened to me, but I most definitely will never understand.

I’m not a hipster. Individuality is important to me, but I don’t go out of my way just to be different. I just am. Like Skylar Grey says, I’m just trying to see the world through my own eyes. It’s like every other adult in the world, new or old, is respected and welcomed but this one’s just a tiny bit different, so she gets kicked out of the club. Here I am struggling to keep my head up while swimming against the current and everyone is telling me to shut up and get back in line. You’re ridiculous. No.

Every time I would open my mouth to give an opinion or state a thought, I would get shut down or that stupid polite smile adults seem to perfect before they’re 30..even now, I’ll say something, and that smile will pop up again, like “you don’t know what you’re talking about because you’re only 19, so I’m just going to smile and wait for you to shut up.” My life. No wonder I turned to writing; I needed to be heard!

I’m not perfect…I’ve never claimed to be and I won’t start any time soon. But more importantly, nobody here is perfect. The way we (yes, we.) all look for reasons to put others down to make ourselves look and feel higher is sickening. You could point out 20 flaws in me and I could point out just as many in you. In the end, we’re all equals as we should be. Let’s go back to the time when elders would welcome the new adult members of the community with open arms. I’m coming into who I want to be as a contributing member of our great Earth and I should get support from my community. Individuality should be celebrated, not hastily snuffed out.

It’s like the movies. The teenager exasperates everyone they come across, sometimes simply because of their age. I turn my back or leave the room and suddenly everyone rolls their eyes and whispers “she’ll come out of it eventually” or “she’ll understand one day.” No, you’ll understand one day. You wouldn’t be saying that if I were 42 with 2 kids and a mortgage! I’m shining where I am and I’ll continue to do so. Can you say the same?

I’m putting my foot down one last time, and this time nothing will get taken away from me. “I am because I say I am.” And I’ve never been a push over.

This kind of turned into an open letter to the negativity in my life. Everyone else is beautiful and wonderful and I’m so thankful for anyone who reads or supports me in my journey!

Over Tired, Under Qualified

The break down came tonight.

Two weeks giving my all to the children and camps I worked for and I’m ashamed to be overwhelmed. This is a problem.

This is a problem, because there is such a gap between teenagers/young adults and their parent counterparts. A divide. I will never tell you one is more right than the other or that they are unequally balanced, but there is miscommunication between the two species. We young people have no idea what our counterparts handle daily. When we get there, we’ll understand the stress of bills, mortgages, and whatever parents think is more important than our problems. For now, we’re in our own world. A world that sits within the boundaries of our own experiences, lives, and problems. What does this mean? We may not deal with bills, but we have large scale mountains to climb every day that are just as exhausting as those payments. The same way we have no idea what they go through, they seem to have forgotten what we go through. Or maybe they haven’t, but they consider it child’s play. Maybe it is. But in this world, my world as a 19 year old, my problems are important.

Your walk of life will never be harder or better than anyone else’s. Why? Because nobody is exactly the same. Not even twins. We all have different stamina, desires, priorities, and obstacles. You’re not going to get a trophy for wearing your body down and pushing people out of your way. Sticking your nose in the air at people who don’t live exactly the same life as you is not attractive.

If we all thought of life as a Planet Fitness gym, it would be 100x better. Nobody would be trying to one up their friends and everybody would be focused on bettering themselves for their personal benefit, because that’s a life well lived. Don’t look at the girl on the bike while you’re on the treadmill and laugh at her slow pace. It has nothing to do with you! Remember when we would all tattle-tell to our teachers at some point, and they would all tell us the same thing? Mind your own business. You worry about you. Because, at the end of the day, you don’t know the other person like you know yourself. You never know what a person is capable of. 

Just some thoughts to start the weekend…I will be back on my topic challenge with the next post!

Straight Up Education

30 Topic Challenge: Day 8- How important you think education is.

It’s been ingrained in me all my life that I have to attend public school until I’m 18, and then I have to go to college to get a degree. I thought that was the only way to do it, and if you didn’t, you were lazy and stupid. My friends began to talk about enlisting in the military and I turned up my nose like a snob, because they chose combat over knowledge.

FYI: a piece of paper should NEVER tell you how smart you are.

FYI: if you think so, I’m sorry friend. I’m here to tell you your intelligence goes farther than words on a page with pretty borders.

We live in a day and age where information is readily available at the tips of our fingers. Thousands of colleges and universities live within the internet. Youtube is full of legitimate instruction. Blogs, articles, websites, it’s all there. I can learn more browsing the internet in a few hours than I can sitting in a class all year.

With this in mind, I think education is still extremely important. I wish the whole world could be properly educated, and I hope one day it will be. But “properly educated” doesn’t necessarily mean going through the motions like I currently am. I’m stuck in the system, but I applaud those who make something of themselves without wasting money and time learning useless equations and advanced sciences that they probably won’t need.

It is still very possible for a PhD graduate to leave college without a career. They might end up working at McDonalds, and become socially shunned. But they have a PhD! They worked for 8+ years for that piece of paper! According to the glossy words, they are highly educated, and they’re not getting a job? Shocker.

My point: education does not mean degree. Education means knowledge obtained. The latter is the most important thing you can do for yourself. The former is only important by social standards. There is a difference. 

Dear Military people and friends: I love you all. You are smart beyond measure. I was a stupid child. Thank you for your bravery and service.

Next week I explore the murky waters of the topic: how comfortable I am with my body. Which I have turned into the social disaster that is body image.